Best Experienced With: Meat Loaf; Took The Words Right Out of My Mouth
(please right click on the link below to open the suggested background music to this evening’s treatise on niche marketing in a new browser window)
Am a fan of niche marketing. It allows smaller players in a market to capture a large portion of a smaller, segmented market. Consider reggae music. Reggae music would not exist if people did not smoke the sticky icky because most reggae music sucks pretty badly. Reggae music makers knew their music sucked pretty badly so they paired it up with dope smoking and BOOM: they captured that niche. Same with Cypress Hill. No one in their right minds would listen to that annoying high pitched whining “insane in the membrane”, were they not stoned. Go home and listen to Insane in The Membrane stone sober and we will all wait right here for you.
See? It sucked, didn’t it?
Same thing Phish and Widespread Panic did with magic mushroom consumers. There’s no way people would listen to Phish or Widespread Panic hour after hour, were they not tripping on mushrooms. Clever stuff, that niche marketing
eHarmony is a fantastic example of niche marketing. eHarmony markets their service to people that want to get married. eHarmony has no product to sell and they carry no inventory. eHarmony has no buyers or planners, they never have a missed shipment, ad infinitum. e Harmony is simply a market maker…..the NASDAQ for people who dream of procreation yet hear “tick, tick, tick, tick, tick” ever loudly with each passing day. eHarmony markets their service as a cure for that telltale heart sound. Brilliant.
Many of us have no intention of ever getting married. eHarmony would be the improper niche and a poor solution for us. There are many benefits to rolling single. It is half price every time we go to a concert, go to dinner, etc. Had I picked up on that one in my early thirties, am certain I would be sharing billionaire dinners with Mr. Jobs, Mr. Pickens, and Mr. Gates. Moreover those of us in this non-marrying niche also have the benefit of that first 90 days of perfection happening every 91 days. When you see an underserved market, dive right in. Fill in that gaping void.
This evening we are proud to announce the on line beta version of Mind of Mully E Dissonance (MOMED….pronounced Moe-Med…emphasis on the second syllable). If you’re just looking for some fun with absolutely no expectations or commitment, print out the form below, circle your answers in purple crayon, and mail your submission to The LJ with $53.00 in cold hard cash. Within fourteen days, a random (yet well matched by our crack team of mate matchers shown below) person will show up at your door for a mystery date.
eHarmony’s “twenty-nine dimensions of compatibility” pale in comparison to The Mind of Mully E-Dissonance “thirty dimensions of relative compatibility”.
Mind of Mully has 30.
The word that most accurately describes me is:
The word that most accurately describes what I am looking for is:
Most days, I am:
- Well coiffed
- Well fed
The Irish are clearly:
- God’s chosen people
- Masters of innovation with potatoes
- Masters of innovation with alcohol flavored things
- All of the above
- None of the above
My ideal night would involve:
- Role play
- Gun play
- Mamet play
- Play Dough
I have been charged with a felony:
- Three times
I have been convicted of a felony:
- Three times
My favorite color is:
Mel Gibson is:
- Really crazy
- Really, really crazy
When I levitate, I prefer to look straight out, as opposed to down
If I had to go to a really, really, really long concert, it would be a concert by:
- Widespread Panic
- Some random reggae band
- I don’t do drugs, but thanks anyway!
When I was on E Harmony, I:
- Did get married
- Didn’t get married
True or False
4 x 4 = 16
The French, for the most part, are annoying
Rye toast is superior to sourdough cheese bread
Always split aces and eights
Double down on eleven
Fighting a land war in Southeast Asia is an excellent idea
The sins of the fathers shall be visited upon the sons
Best Zins are the red Zins
4 + 4 + 4 +4 = 16
On a hot summer’s night would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?
Will he offer me his mouth?
Will he offer me his teeth?
Will he offer me his jaws?
Will he offer me his hunger?
Will he starve without me?
Does he love me?
On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?
Seconds on meatloaf? Sure, why not. How about Bat Out of Hell? Those two sure wrote some damn music back in the day……”the sirens are screaming and the fires are howling way down in the valley tonight.” Far, far superior to Cypress Hill.