Monthly Archives: March 2010

 

 

Best Experienced With:       Sweet;     Ballroom Blitz

(please right click on the link below to open up the suggested background music to this evening’s treatise.  You may want to grab a Foster’s or two, as well.  This is the abridged version……..the first one read like a Tolstoy novel.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cN9jTnxv0RU

 

Several weeks ago, when the healthcare debate reached a fevered pitch, I got a call on the bat phone from Rahm Emanuel asking us to shelve a completed Mind of Mully MLOG in the interest of national security.  Mr. Emanuel also pulled out the Interstate Commerce Clause, the broadness of which always sends shivers down my spine.  Clearly the administration is afraid of our gathering here and clearly I am afraid of The Man.  Now that the “Free Healthcare for Everyone (!)” Law has passed both houses, I am permitted to publish.  Rahm, you magnificent bastard:  I read your book.

Rahm and crew were terrified that two things I have taught sales and marketing professionals for years would leak into general circulation before they had their bill passed.  These two basic postulates are:

1.  There is an infinite demand for free
2. There is zero value placed upon free

 

Free, for lack of a better word, sucks.  There is no discipline or hard work involved in anything free.  If it is free, most folks seldom think about consequences or cost.  Free tends to attract those unwilling or unable to own the consequences of their choices and behavior.  Outside of open source code, some aspects of the internet, and the government cheese that kept me afloat during under employment in 2009, free sucks.  There is an infinite demand for free and there is no value in free.

 

Before diving in, some qualification for the Mind of Mully newbies.  Depending on the issue, I am moderate, liberal, or conservative.  No choices along party lines:  all choices follow my ethical compass and what passes for reason in The Attic.   Mostly, I am an unbridled capitalist, a business person, and a lifelong profit maximizer. 

My career adventures have been in medical/surgical healthcare arena, where top line revenue and share prices have grown each year since the Social Security Act of 1965.  Anyone in my market space wailing that their profits are in jeopardy with the passing of this law is either disingenuous or a complete moron.  When the pie gets bigger, everyone gets a bigger piece.  The profit maximizer in me loves the “Free Healthcare for Everyone (!)” Law.  The pragmatist and John Stuart Mill fan in me fears this legislation.    As “utilitarian” as it may seem on the surface, this law will not help those outliers paraded in front of the general populace as examples of who died because they did not have coverage.  It’s going to help the lazy people and those who make poor choices far more than it will help those with terminal mesothelioma.

It was far easier to tug on heart strings with a mother dying of inoperable cancer than it would have been with a fat guy riding helmetless on a motorcycle with a bottle of Wild Turkey in his leather vest pocket and a Camel filterless hanging out of the nicotine stained left side of his mostly toothless meth mouth.  

Was fortunate enough to be raised by a Director of Critical Care mother who saw people die each day and a pragmatic father who would have been the first to call the emperor stark naked.  Although it took him thirty-six years, dad taught me to be responsible and accountable for my choices.  My mom taught me that people die every day and some terminal illnesses should not be chased with technology, hope, and experimental medicine.  Please understand that mom has a heart the size of Alaska:  she simply knows that as sad as it is, people get really sick and everyone dies. 

Were she the architect of this bill and the motorcyclist described above ran his bike into a pole, mom would send the ambulance there as rapidly as possible to harvest his kidneys for those more deserving.  She would leave the motorcyclist’s kidney-less body lying by the light pole for a road crew to pick up.  If he had bad kidneys, she certainly would not pay to keep that man on life support for ten years in a chronic, expensive vegetative state.  Bad choices are bad choices.  Let’s call the motorcyclist “Zac” after a  member of the Hanson Brothers band. 

Let’s say Zac is a good motorcycle rider, but has a body mass index (BMI) over 30 because he has not seen exercise since his sixth grade Presidential Fitness Test in 1977 and his eating choices are awful.  Mom would not pay for any of the resulting co-morbidities listed in the chart below.  She would allow Zac to choose his mordidly obese lifestyle; however, none of us would have to pay for the resulting carnage.

 

The Camel cigarette?  Same thing.  Mom, like any trained health professional, would point at the chart below and tell you that the heart and lung disease can be (believe it or not) prevented by not smoking.  She would also pay for none of the diseases caused by smoking.  Mom used to smoke.  Dad still smokes two packs a day.  We would hold our family to the same rules because The Lord forces The Irish to own the consequences of our choices.  It is in our DNA.

 

Did you have to pay your caterer in advance for your wedding dinner?  Did they tell you exactly what you were going to get?  Did you have to qualify for your home loan and show them that you could pay for the house each month for the duration of the contract?  During that process, did the lender put in writing precisely what you would receive in return?  Have you ever signed a contract with a “we will figure out the details later” clause?  Me neither.  My representatives in Washington DC did that for me by proxy last week, but I’m not moron enough to sign anything with a “we will figure out the details later” clause.  And I’m certainly not Pollyanna enough to cheer and dance in the streets when it got signed.

 

One of my Master’s Ethics professors, Craig Dunn, was a brilliant and talented individual.  To this day on his SDSU web site there is a wonderful list of logical fallacies in arguments.  Most all of the logical fallacies were used by both the right and the left during the past fourteen months and rapidly snatched up in the mouths of lemmings as truth.  Much like logical fallacies directed at Gypsies and homosexuals in Germany back in 1938.  The words below are Mr. Dunn’s.  As you read through them, you’ll be able to see where each was applied by both sides in the healthcare debate.

 

Fallacy of Bifurcation 

Occurs when one presumes that a distinction is exclusive and exhaustive, when other alternatives exist.

* America, love it or leave it.

* Companies can either make a profit or be socially responsible.

Fallacy of Mob Appeal  

Occurs when an appeal is made to emotions, particularly to powerful feelings that can sway people in large crowds.

* I (Paul Tsongas) almost died of cancer, therefore you can trust me to be a good president.

Fallacy of Hasty Generalization (Faulty Induction) 

Occurs when an isolated or exceptional case is used as the basis for a general conclusion which is unwarranted.

* I had a bad relationship with the first person I ever dated. I’m sure all relationships are bad.

* The government’s bailout of Penn Central was a fiasco. Therefore, the government should never provide bailouts

If you have time to repeat loudly whatever the last sound bite was from the last talking head discussing the “Free Healthcare for Everyone (!)” Law, please take the time to read back though the debate from the last year.  Look for the numerous logical fallacies.  Then, look for the numerous “we will figure out the details later” clauses.  It’s an entertaining exercise and at the very least, a fantastic example of what fear and passion can do in marketing.  People buy with their hearts.

 

The Mind of Mully

I’m reaching out for something

Touching nothing’s all I ever do

I softly call you over:  when you appear

There’s nothing left of you….

 

 

 

 

 

Should you care to read through again and listen to another song while doing so, Rage Against the Machine’s Know Your Enemy works just as well as Ballroom Blitz for this treatise.  Click here…..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4smim2MNvF8

Then you have to end it with this:

 

The Mind of Mully

I got no patience now………..

So sick of complacency now…..

Time has come to………………

Rage.

 

 

Know your enemy.

Do your own research.   Read more than Wikipedia.  Argue logically with your own thoughts.  Avoid group think and lemming like behavior.  Stand up for what you believe in and learn to agree to disagree, respectfully.  What a boring world this would be if we all believed the same things and felt the same way.  It would be like Canada, as will our healthcare…………eventually.  

Thanks for joining this evening.  Tommorrow we will have a lighthearted discussion on hiring, firing, and dating.  That’s our Palm Sunday tradition up here.

 

 

 

Best Experienced With:    Bongwater;       You Don’t Love Me Yet

(please right click on the link below to open the suggested background music to this evening’s poetry gathering in a new window.  Nothing about boats, unfortunately.  And a beautiful cover of musical genius Roky Erickson’s “You Don’t Love Me Yet.”)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arAWKmQo5-o

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where the Sidewalk Ends

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
and before the street begins,
and there the grass grows soft and white,
and there the sun burns crimson bright,
and there the moon-bird rests from his flight
to cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
and the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
we shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow
and watch where the chalk-white arrows go
to the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we’ll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
and we’ll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
for the children, they mark, and the children, they know,
the place where the sidewalk ends.

                                                                                                S. Silverstein

 

“Forgive, forget & eat more jam,” the jar said on the lid.

Dai ate some jam and thought a lot and, in the end, he did

go home and be a better boy.

Although, sometimes, it’s tricky.

There is a moral to this tale:

Jam makes fingers sticky.

                                                                                      A. Minghella

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  The Mind of Mully

 

 

The sidewalk never, ever, ever, ever, ever ends up here.  Thanks for visiting.

 

 

 

Best Experienced With:           Arcade Fire;         Wake Up

(please right click on the link below to open up the suggested background music for this afternoon’s treatise in a new browser window.  What a fantastic, moving little tune.  Please turn the volume to 11 for the best results.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEKC5pyOKFU

 

 

Bernoulli’s Principle allows us to fly.   Danny B was a Swiss scientist who discovered that as the velocity of a fluid increases, its pressure decreases.  Since air is a fluid, Danny B’s principle applies to air.  An airfoil’s camber increases the velocity of air moving over the top of the wing.  The resulting pressure differential causes lift…………..and up we go.

 

Shifting of tectonic plates causes earthquakes.  Our planet has three main layers:  the inner core, the middle mantel, and the outermost crust.  The latter two form the strong lithosphere with the lithosphere further broken into plates called tectonic plates fitted together like a puzzle, or like this recently cobbled together “healthcare for everyone (!)” plan here in the United States.

When the mantel moves, the plates move towards or away from each other.  Movement can either be compressional, transformational, or extensional.  When plates collide, the edges rip and create energy in the form of seismic waves.   The combination of Rayleigh waves and Love waves create both the rolling waves and the side to side twisting seen in earthquakes.

 

 Rebar is steel bar used to reinforce concrete structures.     It holds concrete neatly in place, when used properly.   Steel is expensive and scarce in developing nations.

Deforestation is the unplanned and non-scientific method of logging or burning forest trees.  Deforestation is typically caused by unsound agricultural practices, overpopulation, over logging, and increased competition for scarce land.  Deforestation is further complicated when an entire population cooks only over charcoal.  Less than 2% of Haiti’s land is forested today.  Deforestation causes continual and severe soil erosion, further lowering the productivity of available land.   When left unchecked, deforestation creates what the scientists in The Land of Cleve used to call a “toilet bowl effect”. 

 

 

When a city either chooses not to use rebar in its buildings or is unable to afford rebar and the tectonic plates shift, the city becomes la ville sans toits.

 

The city with no roofs

 

La ville sans toits (Port Au Prince:  March, 2010)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Mind of Mully

We’re just a million little gods

Causing rain storms

Turning every good thing

Into rust

 

 

 

I guess we’ll just have to adjust………………………………

 

 

 

Best Experienced With:   Bruce Springsteen;    Chimes of Freedom

(please right click on the link below to cue up the suggested background music for this evening’s treatise in a new browser window)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xp3zNrwI0ps

 

 

Jimmy Cliff’s cover of that song you just cued up is one of the finest Dylan cover ever.  Springteen’s doesn’t suck too badly either.  How fantastic that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inaugurated Jimmy Cliff and Iggy Pop last weekend.  Did you ever think you’d see that?  The Random blesses us each day with mischief and surprise.

All hail the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  All hail the magical, mystical shores of Lake Erie and The Land of Cleve.   The Land of Cleve has no fire breathing dragons and it’s not Honalee, but it’s damn close.  Horseshoe, hand grenade, and nuclear weapon close, by golly.

The rainy season is about to start in Haiti and there are more than 600,000 people still living under regular old bed sheets hung on branches in Port Au Prince.  That’s sure going to suck when the rain begins.  Am neither an economist nor a physician, yet I will opine that people dying, starving, and getting generally drenched for ninety days straight is going to significantly slow down even the most basic of economic development plans. 

You most likely missed the news coverage on these 600,000 folks living under bed sheet tents, as I did, because our ADHD news networks, their talking heads, and our population’s three minute attention span have our focus on:

1.  A doomed from the get-go healthcare bill soon to be taken out back to the woodshed and shot in the head with both barrels.
2. John Edward’s cloven hoofed love child being the spitting image of daddy.
3. New York Senators who may or may not have had tickle fights with 43% of the world’s population.
4. Marmosets

Apologies for having to resort to most base and crass of all attention grabbers:  flying monkeys.  No one can resist flying monkeys.  When you saw the flying monkey, you may have even muttered “I’ll get you my pretty” under your breath.  That’s a normal reaction.  Most of us have the same reaction when we see flying monkeys.  Many believe that the Large Inflatable Gorilla On The Roof offense is the best attention grabber offense.  Wrong.  You can beat that offense any day of the week (in any municipality) with the Flying Monkey offense.

 “I’ll get you my pretty”   Back on point.

 

Those that wrung their hands screaming “we must help Haiti” and “we need a sustainable economic plan for Haiti” back in January now wring their hands and complain they burned their thumb something fierce this morning on the toaster while making a blueberry Eggo.  I don’t want those people.  They vex me something fierce.

 

An executable plan on eradicating poverty already exists.  We posted it in The Attic the day after the Haiti earthquake.  It’s back there between the pinball machine and the fern if you want to take a refresher.  Kofi Annan’s UN Millennium Development Goals have been around since 2000 and they have proven out in seventeen countries.  Shall we run through all eight?

• Eradicate extreme poverty and hunger
• Achieve universal primary education
• Promote gender equality and empower women
•  Reduce child mortality (reducing under 5 mortality)
•  Improve maternal health (reducing maternal mortality ratio)
• Combat HIV, AIDS, malaria and other diseases
•  Ensure environmental sustainability
•  Develop a global partnership for development

 

The beauty of being an insomniac with only six self sustaining cats to worry about on a daily basis is the ability to plan.  The first through eighty-third plan I sketched out for economic development in Haiti’s central plateau were awful, much like my boat poetry.  Mentally composed the eighty-fourth this afternoon and it’s a beauty.  Going to put the meat on the bones over the next week and put a team together by tax day. 

Mark T has already signed up to be in charge of the “experience” portion because Mark has no fear.  There are nine more openings and our team of eleven will not only have a fantastic adventure over the next twenty years…….….we will also be one louder than any other group working to create economic growth in a third world country that’s been disenfranchised and abused since 1491.  Thanks in advance for answering the phone when we call to hand you your ticket for the ride.

 

 

The Mind of Mully

Tolling for the rebel

Tolling for the rake

Tolling for the luckless,

Abandoned, & forsaked

 

 

As long as we gather to think, emote, and laugh, we will always toll for the outcasts burning constantly extinct.  Locally, we will do all we can to help our friends Teresa and Jeff at San Diego’s Street of Dreams.  Teresa and Jeff do wonderous things at Street of Dreams to keep great kids out of prison.  Globally, we will spend the next twenty years creating a world class surgical destination location in Haiti as an arm of economic growth and a source of local pride.  

If Iggy Pop can get inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, this long shot should be a slam dunk.

(Should you join our adventure, you will recieve your own personal  Anti Myth Rhythm Rock Shocker business cards.  Sharpie is extra.)

 

Bye bye

 

Best Experienced With:   Public Image Limited;   Rise

(please right click on the link below to cue up the suggested background music to this evening’s treatise.  The final piece of poetry week here in The Attic set to the lyricaly stylings of post Sex Pistols J. Rotten)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=–2AHDFUSco

 

 

 

 

Truly great storytellers and hair stylists are hard to find:  we should embrace them in Pompeii-like stone death grips when we find them.  The greatest poets and authors are Irish poets and authors because The Irish are God’s chosen people.  Chosen, that is, to farm potatoes, drink whiskey and tell tales.  Had the opportunity to play Gaelic football for a league in Cleveland back in “the day”.  One of older greenhorns, Collin, would endlessly repeat the following phrase after seventeen or eighteen bottles of Jameson’s.  “Danny, there are always more tales tell….there are always more tales.”

As you may have noticed, this has been poetry week in The Attic.  Am envious of poets because I am the world’s seventh worse poetry writer.  Most of my poems are about boats because “boat” is really, really, really, really, really easy to rhyme.  Play to your strengths.  When my pen rolls over paper with the best of intentions and heart outlines circling my head, things like this come out:

 

 

 

 Man, I wish I had a boat;

Because that would be cooler than a goat.

Or around my house, a spiffy moat.

But if I had a boat I’d have a big, red Evinrude motor on it.

 

 

 

 

Have never been able to get that last line to quite rhyme correctly.  When our nonsensical Mind of Mully poet laureates Teddy Geisel and Lewis Carroll wrote fake words in poems they sounded 1,287 (cubed) times better than my poetry on its best day.  As we saw last weekend, “Jabberwocky”, even when read backwards, is still a darn good read.  Not a boat poem, but a wonderful poem nonetheless.

 

Great storytellers would make the finest of sales people because sales and marketing is all about questions and stories.  The best sales people ask the best questions and they tell the most remarkable, emoting stories.  Great storyteller’s books are like scratch and sniff cards for your heart and brain.

Rick Bragg is a great story teller.  Herman Melville sucked.  John Carlin is a great story teller.  Half of Hemmingway’s stuff sucked.  Richard Bach is a great storyteller.  I would hire Bragg, Carlin, and Bach.  Would pass on Melville and Hemmingway.  

We are replacing Harriet the Spy with John  Carlin’s Playing the Enemy  for the next Mind of Mully ESP book club.  Playing the Enemy is a wonderful book on Nelson Mandela, leadership, and the transformation of South Africa from a David Dukesque country into a harmonious society.  Would imagine that’s why they made it into the Morgan Freeman/Matt Damon movie Invictus that came out a few months back.  For the sales and marketing professionals of the world.

Mr. Mandela stated“Don’t address their brains, address their hearts”.   All business lessons are life lessons and all life lessons are business lessons.  There are fantastic sales and leadership lessons in Playing the Enemy.  

 

Eric R’s Suggestion

Until the gun blasts, the piano bar was all fun and games, much like Germany was a fine place to visit for veal and noodle dumplings before they began executing the gypsies, clowns, and lion tamers.  It was that sort of night.  The sort of night that smelled of raspberries but tasted of muenster cheese.  And I was in.   I am always in.

With the abundance of barber shops and beauty parlors in the world, it is a wonder that so many people walk around with utterly tragic hair styles.  Plastic surgery is relatively expensive, so walking around with really, really big ears or a protruding forehead is understandable.  Having a bad haircut is inexcusable.   The piano player had a tragic hairstyle, right up until the gun blasts took off her noggin.

 

How a Raven is Like a Writing Desk:

Neither is made of citrus fruit

Both are organic

Neither exist naturally in gas or liquid form

Poe wrote on both of them

Neither have started an armed conflict in Southeast Asia

 

Had a wonderful English literature teacher at Miami University who encouraged us to dig deep on any poet that tickled our heart with their literary feather.  See where he or she came from.  Find out where their joy or pain originated.  Sure Dylan Thomas wrote darkly and drank himself to an early death, but why?  Why did Thomas write “That Sanity be Kept”?  When you fall in love with a poem, figure out where it came from. 

All life lessons are business lessons and all business lessons are life lessons.  If your customer has an objection, it means someone burned them in the past.  Dig deep and find out where that pain originated.   There’s meaning in pain. 

We will finish poetry week and plunge headfirst into the holiest of all holy days with the finest poem in the universe on owning ones actions and perseverance.  A poem title meaning unconquerable and a poetic message about owning your own destiny.  If you choose to dig deep on Mr. Bentley, you will find he lost his leg at an early age.   He wrote this while recuperating, chosing to light a candle instead of cursing the darkness.

 

 

Inviticus:  (William Ernest Bentley)

 

 

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you are not Irish, we chosen people welcome you with open arms and parched throats.  Buy us a beer and perhaps we will recite a boat poem for you. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Mind of Mully

May the road rise with you

May the road rise with you

May the road rise with you

May the road rise with you

 

 

 

 

Best Experienced With:    Van (Sam) Halen;      Dreams

(Please right click on the link below to open the suggested background music for this afternoon’s poetry reading in a new browser window)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZLKtjATZt0

 

 

“toves slithy the and, brillig Twas

:wabe the in gimble and gyre Did

, borogoves the wer mimsy All

Ougrabe raths mome And”

 

!son my, Jabberwock the Beware

!catch that claws the, bite that jaws The

,bird Jubjub the Beware

!Bandersnatch frumious The”

 

“:hand in sword vorpal his took He

Sought he foe manxome the time Long

,tree Tumtum the by he rested So

.thought in awhile stood And”

 

 

 

,stood he thought uffish in as, And

,flame of eyes with, Jabberwock The

,wood tulgey the through whiffling Came

! came it as burbled And”

 

 

Through and through And  !two, One  !two, One

!snack-snicker went blade vorpal The

Head its with and, dead it left He

.back galumphing went He

 

 

?Jabberwock the slain thou has And

!boy beamish my, arms my to Come

!Callay  !Calloh  !day frabjous O

.joy his in chortled He

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 The Mind of Mully

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
  Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
  And the mome raths outgrabe.

 

 

 

 

 

Best Experienced With:   The Bouncing Souls;    Kids and Heroes

 

(Please right click on the link below to open up the suggested background music to whatever this evening’s Mind of Mully thing is in a new browser window.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JShQby1vfv0

 

 

There are 4 things you must never do: lie, steal, cheat, or drink.
But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love.
If you must steal, steal away from bad company.
If you must cheat, cheat death.
And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away..

 

•  Mic Check (Rage Against the Machine)
• Kids and Heroes ( The Bouncing Souls)
• Reflections of My Life (Marmalade)
• Mr. Brightside (The Killers)
• Every Rose Has Its Thorns (Poison)
• Hate Me (Blue October)
• Wish You Were Here (Pink Floyd)
• The Temple (The Afghan Wigs)
• Trucker Anhtem (Kid Rock)
• Like a Friend (Pulp)
• Would (Alice in Chains)
•  Now It’s On (Grandaddy)
• All These Things That I’ve Done (The Killers)
• 5:06 a.m. Every Stranger’s Eyes (Roger Waters)
• Iris (Goo Goo Dolls)
• I Miss You ( Blink 182)
•   Blinded By Rainbows (Rolling Stones)
• 5150 (Van Halen)
• Don’t Take Me For Granted (Social Distortion)
•  Bleed It Out (Linkin Park)
• Numb/Encore (Jay Z, Linkin Park)
• Desperadoes Under The Eaves (Warren Zevon)
• Ocean Breathes Salty (Modest Mouse)
• I Need Better Friends (Cracker)
• 25.                  (ladies choice)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Mind of Mully

There are only two things that really belong to me:

Who I am

Who I was

And who I want to be

 

What did it feel like jumping out of the plane alone?  Exactly like it felt when you agreed to get married.  Exactly like that

 

 

 

 

Best Experienced With:    Men Without Hats;     Pop Goes The World

(please right click the link below to open the suggested background music for this evening’s treatise.  The little dancing thingies should dance to the song and you are really only cheating yourself if you choose not to open the music.  Silly rabbit)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zUUtf7gOe8

 

You and three of your friends want to play in basketball tournament this weekend and your primary goal is to tear the first place trophy away from the team that has had it for the past forty years.   Your only choice for a fifth player is Crackhead Bob.  Crackhead Bob shoots a solid three point shot periodically and you need that fifth player.  Your team and the tournament both have a rock solid “no drugs” policy.

 

You allow Crackhead Bob to be your fifth in the tournament and your team advances through the first four rounds and into the semifinals.  Some of the success is from Crackhead Bob’s three point prowess.  Crackhead Bob continues to smoke crack between games and some of the crack is supplied by the trainer of the team that has won the past forty years. 

 

Before the first semifinal game, Crackhead Bob gets caught with the glass pipe and shows up on an episode of COPS for years because he tries to run from the police.  You never want to run from the police.  The police have helicopters and they are sober.  You will always lose when you run from the police.  Your team throws your collective hands into the air and screams “how could this happen”?   “We certainly did not know this was going on and would have intervened had we known.”  “Heck we would have had a special on Intervention where we sat around Crackhead Bob and read him letters.”

 

Crackhead Bob is Greece, your basketball team is the Euro countries, and I’m the guy holding the camera for the COPS crew because that’s my dream job. 

This Athens meltdown is about as surprising as Crackhead Bob getting caught with the glass pipe and a handful of rocks.  Greece has never, ever met the requirements set forth by the European Union, nor have they ever intended to.  They spend as freely as my ex wife and no one in the EU said a thing until the slide began.   Then whose fault was it that Greece is tanking the Euro?  The winning team!  The team that has been winning this currency power race since the Korean War ended.

 

The EU is blaming Goldman Sachs for some of this?  Greece has never been within 30 percentage points of the debt ceiling and all of a sudden and it’s some insidious United States plot?  That’s like Crackhead Bob getting caught on COPS and saying he was holding the glass pipe for an imaginary friend. 

You took us on and you lost, Euro.  In fact, you lost twice at this stage of the game because that rolling three month exchange rate of 1 to 1.35 means the United States can become a serious net exporter to your countries.  Oops.  Didn’t see that coming while you turned a blind eye to Greece, did you?

Throughout the 1990’s I worked for a subsidiary of a privately held German surgical manufacturer.  Being privately held, we were able to hold all profits until the German Mark slipped a bit.  We then timed the repatriotization of the profits until the exchange rate was favorable for the Mark.  When it was 4:1, we held profits until it slipped to 2:1 and doubled the parent corporation’s US profits.

Worked for a publicly held company in the 2000’s where we manufactured products on an OEM basis in Europe.  The $:E rate was roughly 1:1 when we signed our contract, then as Greece and the other Crackhead Bob countries jumped on that Euro bandwagon it slipped significantly.

We have skipped the business lessons for a bit. Here’s what we have all learned from Greece and the EU:

1.  Absent the ability to hedge against a currency, always have a safe harbor clause in your contract and a bracket around each currency.
2. Don’t let Crackhead Bob on your hoop team, regardless of your need or his three point abilities.
3. Rules are there for a reason.  Follow the rules.
4. If you are a net exporter of goods in The United States, make hay right now.  You have a 35% advantage on cost for the time being.  Sell to those that embraced Crackhead Bob and all of his faults.
5. Never start a land war in Southeast Asia (this is running theme)
6. People and things never change.  This is a running business and personal theme.
7. Learn the Rhumba.  You can never, ever go wrong with the Rhumba!

 

 

 

 

 

The Mind of Mully

Every time I wonder

Where the world went wrong

End up lying on my face on the floor

Going ringy, ringy ding dong…..

 

And every time I wonder where the world is right?   I’m drunk in some disco….dancing all night!  To Joe P.’s “Yes, Girl”.   With glow sticks!

http://www.purevolume.com/speakerspray

 

 

 

Ppppppppp……POP

 

 

Best Experienced With:     Everclear;              Santa Monica

(please right click on the link to open the suggested background music for this evening’s plan in a new browser window)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryYVzcLoe6A

 

Going to take time away from what was going to be this evening’s treatise on the debt swaps and general poor behavior of Greece.  Was also going to discuss the countries that knowingly turned a blind eye to the Greeks while watching the Euro rise against the dollar.  Those of you that pop up The Attic for really silly, yet easy to understand business lessons, please climb back up here on Friday.  We will have fun ripping on Greece and the French and explain debt swaps. 

Have been blessed with an innate ability to sometimes look at complex situations, find the lowest common denominator rapidly and offer a simple solution that generally works well for mankind. 

Today’s USA Today had a front page article on how many census worker jobs are still unfilled as of last week.  Ever the fan of irony (and yes….that is true irony because it is not the expected result), I read the entire article instead of doing what I usually do….read every third adverb.  Seems the Census Bureau needs 3,800,000 workers by August and they are millions short now.  Moreover, the Census Bureau is turning away applicants because the applicants do not meet the language requirements needed in some neighborhoods.  More on this in a bit.  How’s your beer?  Need another?  Great…please get me one while you’re up.  Thanks!

My dating “n” is higher than the general population for three reasons.  First, I am Irish.  Second, I am old.  Third, I have only spent twenty-six of my thirteen thousand months on this earth in a betrothed state.  Eight women I dated confided in me that they had been sexually assaulted.  Went to therapy sessions with three of them.

Today’s Los Angeles Times had a second section article on how challenging it is to find housing and jobs for sex offenders when they are released from prison.  As we saw with John Gardner, (another gentleman that I will most certainly put in the line named Tortured For Eternity by Mully with Mr. Vick and Mr. Jackson when I get to hell) this creates a big problem for society in general and women in particular.  As we all know, with Mr. Jackson it was society in general and children in particular. 

What loops in your mind when you go to bed at night?  Two of the women with whom I attended therapy said their abuse looped in their head each and every night they went to bed.  Every single night.  How horrible that must be. 

The recidivism rate for sex offenders is ridiculously high.  Most sex offenders will always ruin someone else’s life.  This is where my innate ability to solve business challenges comes into play.  Take notes:  this plan will work and we can implement it with minimal muss, fuss, or societal outrage.

 

The Census Bureau turned away 1,200,000 qualified potential workers because these 1,200,000 folks did not speak the language needed in the neighborhoods being canvassed.  These 1,200,000 people are still available for government work.  We are having a problem “placing” sex offenders when they have served out their prison sentences.  Mind of Mully suggests that an out of box plan would be to place them in the ground.

As each sex offender was released from prison or a half way house, a driver would pick them up in a red, windowless panel van.  One job created right there for the van driver.  Three gentlemen in the back would immediately throw a blanket over the convicted sex offender and all three would bludgeon the sex offender with lead pipes as the driver took the quickest route to a large field.  Three more jobs right there.  Two non sex offender government workers would be waiting in the field with a grave ready to go.  All six would throw the lifeless sex offenders body into the grave, throw the dirt back in and plant something nice, like a purple anthurium.  See how the language requirement is moot here?  Beating sex offenders to death with a tire iron requires no special language training!   Brilliant………………………….

 

Six new jobs created and significant money saved by simply placing the sex offender in the ground.  Brilliant!   William of Occam’s head pops up for the third time in four weeks.

Those of you worried about the registered sex offenders in your neighborhood, please give me a shout or simply shove a napkin under one of the doors here at Chez Mully.  I’ll get a team of six out to you next day.  Heck, I’ll even drive the van!  And you can bet your bippy that I will love every minute of it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Mind of Mully

I am still dreaming

Of your face

Hungry and hollow

For all the things you took away

 

 

 

Best Experienced With:  Davie Bowie;   Putting Out Fire

(please right click on the link below to open the suggested background music for this evening’s treatise in a new window)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWX_MFNOL_Y

 

Am somewhat uniquely qualified to opine on the free healthcare for everyone debate for three reasons.  First, I am Irish.  Second, I went ten months without insurance last year and remain, unbelievably, alive.  Finally, I tore my anterior talofibular ligament pretending that I could still play basketball as old man.  Here is what it looked like one hour after I unwisely chose to play hoop as an old man.  Again:  was uninsured, stupid, and I did not ask for anyone else to pay for my poor choice! 

Playing hoop was a stupid choice and I would never have asked anyone else to pay for my stupidity.  When we execute the plan below, we will not pay for stupid choices.  For example, if you choose to drink and drive and crash your car into a tree, the police will be instructed to leave you there to bleed out.  As my mom would say….that’s your choice, you deal with the consequences.  If you get lung cancer from smoking?  Same same.  If you choose to eat poorly and not exercise, I’ll pop by for dinner, but you’re going to have to deal with your diabetes on your own.   It’s your pancreas, you take care of your beta cells and they will take care of you.  Not your fault that that I suck at basketball so I healed and rehabbed on my own.  Not my fault if your beta cells don’t secrete insulin any longer so you take care of that on your own.  Brilliant! 

Back to the Olympics.

Russia has been bellowing and bowing up this week about their poor showing at the 2010 Vancouver Olympics.  As Kyle and I strolled through the Olympic Village at Whistler Saturday evening we saw Ethiopians and other African nations ruthlessly mocking the Russian athletes.  Was sad, considering the powerhouse Russia was back in the day.  Saw some reports this morning that Medvedev had a little welcoming ceremony in Red Square for the Russian athletes that made the Czar Nicholas and crew basement massacre look like a children’s tea party.

The Russians worry me for 2014.  We will all be playing in their sandbox and those Commies cheat.  For example, who knows what sort of bobsled track they may build.  One of our kids may be cruising down the bobsled track at 87 mph and POOF, their head pops off.   Commies always cheat.  We need to hedge our bets for 2014 and Mind of Mully has the perfect plan. 

 

We are going to buy Canada next week.

 

Before you naysayers start bleating “nay, nay, nay”, hear me out.  There is a certain magical wisdom to this plan that you will see once the numbers and rationale are ‘splained.  The benefits are far too plentiful to scribble in the allotted twenty minutes.  Here are the top four reasons it makes sense to buy Canada next week.

1.  Had we purchased Canada in 2009, the new United States of Amerinadia would have captured 63 medals in last month’s games.  This is more than Germany, Russia and all competing African nations combined. 
2. We would have far more French speaking people and I love me some French accents.
3. Had we purchased Canada in 2009, the new United States of Amerinadia would have captured 25 gold medals in last month’s games.  This is 733.33% more gold medals than Russia.
4. Oil!  Lots and lots and lots of oil.  We can all buy and drive Hummers.  When we own Canada we can bathe in gasoline and water our lawns night and day in raw crude if we want.

Here are the numbers and the net present value analysis of Canada’s GDP.  We lent the banks a whole lot of money to get through last year; they can lend us the cash we need to buy Canada next week.  Mind of Mully will run the negotiations because negotiating is fun.  Figure we can get them for just under three trillion and a bowl of soup.  Like any BD person with deal fever over this Canada acquisition, the ROI in my pro formas is really, really, really high And the payback period is ridiculously short.  Imagine that.

(billions)			2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015	2016	2017	2018	2019	2020	2021
GDP			1,271	1,263	1,310	1,441	1,585	1,902	2,283	2,739	3,287	3,944	4,733	5,680	6,816	8,179
Growth Rate				-0.6%	3.7%	10.0%	10.0%	20.0%	20.0%	20.0%	20.0%	20.0%	20.0%	20.0%	20.0%	20.00%
COGS			1,207	1,200	1,245	1,369	1,506	1,807	2,054	2,465	2,958	3,155	2,367	2,840	3,408	4,089
Cash, cash, cash			64	63	66	72	79	95	228	274	329	789	2,367	2,840	3,408	4,089
WACC		0.1
NPV of Cash Flows			$4,798
Goodwill			$10,000
	Total Value		$14,798

 

Assumptions in the NPV spreadsheet

1.  Since we are all powerful, we are able to grow Canada’s GDP 10% for the first few years and then 20% in the outlying years.
2. We reduce Canada’s expenses and such from 95% in the first few years to 50% in the outlying years through economies of scale, and improved processes. 
3. Our culture is superior and as we imbed our culture into Canada, we achieve culture economies of scale and blah, blah, blah.  
4. Discount rate is 10% because this is not a risky venture.  Feel free to increase this to 20% in your own pro formas if you are a pansy sissy. 

 

 

Finance and M&A folks:  always, always explain your assumptions, no matter how wrong they are or how you falisifed them to get your acquisition through the hoop.  If you threw a dart at a board for your assumptions or used a Magic 8-Ball, don’t share the origin.  More important, please do not ever let me hear you say “well, if we can just capture 2-5% of this market by year five we have recouped our initial investment.”  That sort of logic will get you beaten to death up here in The Attic.  That is the silliest statement in the universe, outside of “Cubs win World Series”.

In conclusion, the primary benefits of buying Canada next week are as follows.  First, we increase our podium time in Russia in 2014 and ensure that The United States of Amerinadia has the most medals. Second, we have enough crude oil to waste that we do not have to suck up to Aziz al Saud and OPEC for at least two years.  Third, we generate incremental, accretive cash flow that we spend on the “free healthcare for everybody” health plan.   

Well, not everyone…….just those that deserve it.  Like kids!

 

Speaking of kids, here are the two preliminary dates for Mully Opes Aid (Joeaplooza) 2010.  We are going to raise $6K for Street of Dreams on either June 12 or June 19, depending upon the availability of a venue with acoustics and an actual sound system.  Street of Dreams has been keeping kids out of prison in San Diego on a shoestring budget for years:  we are going to augment as much as we can forever.

 

We will invite Joe Paisley (of course) and whatever incarnation of Marshall Moonshine’s boys that feel like attending.  Joe P and Olin & The Moon will be invited to Mully Opes Aid (Joeapalooza) until the sun burns out and we will welcome them with open arms and malt beverages whenever they can attend.  More details by April 1.  

 

The Mind of Mully

Feel my blood enraged
It’s just the fear of losing you
Don’t you know my name
You’ve been so long

 

Thanks, Canada….the check is in  the mail.