Dear America: This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things:


Best experienced with Neil Young’s “Keep on Rocking in the Free World”.   Feel free to right click the link below to open the tune in a new browser window.   That instruction is for my mom…..who would have clicked on the link and missed the actual writing…….


(Written from November 9, 2016 through January 19, 2017)





The first three weeks of November were crappy.   First, the Indians lose Game 6 and Game 7 of the World Series.   Then, slightly less than half the nation votes in an orange colored, poorly qualified person to the Executive branch.   Then, Leonard Cohen dies.     The only thing that would make that three-week period worse is if the world ran out of bourbon.   Which is why I penned a letter to America and some of the groups in America on various plane rides across this great nation.


Dear America……………


This is why we cannot have nice things.



Dear Coal Miners:


As you may have seen, 6 days after the election, Mitch McConnell (he’s the guy who runs the Senate, in the event you only follow politics when someone lies to you and gets you all riled up in a Presidential race) has already said……and I quote……”bringing back coal jobs is a private sector job….not a government job.”   His words.     And, by the way, the words of everyone else for the last 12 years.   Coal did not go away because of President Obama or even President Bush.   Coal jobs went away because coal had a solid run from 1843 to 1983 and now is no longer the best energy source.     Period.   Not a single one of you is going to get your job back.   He was full of shit.   It is a motif……like that whale in the book about the old guy and the whale.     Bullshit…..a motif.


You saw that Kanye West was at the orange guy’s towers there in NYC, right?   It was all over the news.   Do you know why you have not heard that same orange guy say a thing about coal jobs or have anyone involved in coal jobs in for a visit?   It is not because the news outlets missed the coal meetings……


It is because the orange dude lied to you. Like he lied to his first two wives when he said “to have and to hold until death do us part.”.   You know what liars do?   The lie.   That’s why we call them liars. You got snowed.     You know what would have been the same thing on the Democrat side?  If Hillary had stood in front of crowds and screamed “I am going to bring back the biplane and regular gasoline cars!”     You would have said, “whaaaaat the hell is that?   That’s not possible”   Same thing with the coal jobs.   You got bullshitted.    Get used to it.


Dear Farmers:


You got bullshitted as well.     You know whom TPP would have helped?   You.   One of the main beneficiaries of TPP is US agriculture.   Don’t believe me?   Use The Google and hind the October 16, 2016 article that was on the front page of that liberal rag the “Wall Street Journal”……Google the following… quotations…”wall street journal TPP farmers” and it will be your first search result that pops up.   Go ahead and read through that.     See?   That’s why you ought to read edited newspapers BEFORE you go to rallies and get all riled up about them damn non whites who are over here stealing our jobs.


Oh, and those of you farmers who use migrant workers to plant and then bring your crops in in the Southeast….keep in mind that in those two years that Alabama and Georgia outlawed migrant workers, they lost hundreds of millions in revenue.     So they changed the law.   Because we NEED migrant workers.   Proof source?   Of course I have a proof source.   I do actual research.


And the guy who just got appointed to be Secretary of Agriculture?   He used to be a Democrat…until he flipped when being a Republican made it easier for him to become governor in Georgia.   Which means he has no character.   And when they had a drought in Georgia back in 2007, he got a bunch of people together and they did a……..wait for it……prayer circle to make it rain.   Yep.   No…, it did NOT work.   I am as shocked as you are.


Dear Steel Workers:


This may come as a shocker given the pervious two paragraphs……but here goes.     You got snowed, too.   The dude who was named as Secretary of Commerce….you know how he made HIS money?     Wait for it……….wait for it………he is a vulture investor who purchased steel mills, fired people, then sold those steel mills to the Chinese.   Guess what the Chinese did with the steel mills?   They poured capital in, modernized them and doubled the US workers in them.   No. Just kidding.   They closed them and put people out of work.


Don’t believe me?   Here is a 2004 article.   That was 12 years ago,   From well before he was named Sec Commerce.


Soooooooooo, four weeks ago, and for 15 months before that, it was “I’m going to create so many jobs for you steel workers and coal miners.   Now, he has hired… Secretary of Commerce… of the people who is supposed to help CREATE jobs…..a dude who made his billions buying distressed businesses and firing the workers.   You didn’t see that coming, did you?   You know who DID see that coming?   Anyone who has ever looked into how the orange dude has run his companies for the last thirty years.   Those of us who read things and do our homework.     Wilbur Freaking Ross.   Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.



Dear African American Friends:


First, let me rewind this back……to an apology first about slavery….then an apology about Jim Crow from 1920 to 1974 (or longer in some places……like up until today) and then……about the whole mass incarceration thing that was sort of the same thing as slavery and Jim Crow.     And now what does white America deliver to you?


A dude whose FATHER marched with the KKK in 1927 and was fined for failure to disperse while marching with the KKK.   A dude who helped his daddy discriminate against people of color in the tenements they owned from 1972 to 1978.   A dude who walked off a plane in Nevada earlier this year, walked up to the microphone and yelled “where is my African American?   (scans crowd)……THERE’S my African American!”.   A dude who says “THE blacks” because you KNOW he has used a completely different word for the previous 70 years when talking about non-Caucasian peeps.     A racist will be in the White House.


And he will be surrounded by racists, too.   Shocker.   Jeff Sessions?   He said that the thing that bothered him about the KKK was that they smoked pot and was considered too racist for a federal judge position.   Now he is AG.   Bannon?   White nationalist……always has been and always will be.   Pompeo?   Another racist…..called President Obama an “evil Muslim, Communist, usurper.”   Yep.   A racist surrounding himself with racists?   Shocker.


From the bottom of my heart……sorry about that.   I have your back.   Everyone I know has your back.


Dear Koch Brothers:


Look… got your little puppet into the head position at the CIA.   Yes, we are all aware that you have been the money behind Pompeo since the beginning.   Like “Trading Places” or “The Manchurian Candidate”.


And you got another puppet……. for Sec of Energy……


I liked the “Trading Places” evil brothers a trillion times better than you.   Mostly because Eddie Murphy was funny back then.   I miss the funny Eddie Murphy.   It’s like his genes turned off the funny gene in 1998.   That’s a shame.   In any event, you two suck….despite what your happy little Koch commercial on CNN say.   The earthquakes in Oklahoma that were NOT there before fracking tell a different story than the blonde in your Koch commercials.


Dear Anyone Who Pays Taxes:


Did you see the next tax plan?   It’s a good one.   If you are in the top 1%.   Now, if you’re in the middle class, especially if you are in a family with three or more children or a low or moderate earning single parent, you are going to pay MORE.   You didn’t actually believe him when he said you were going to pay less, did you.   Man, you are gullible.   The dude who told the truth about the tax plan was Bernie Sanders.   He looks completely different.   Bernie is not orange.


In any event, if you don’t earn more than $576,000 per year, you’re going to pay more.   Suckers.


Dear People Who Made the Movie “Bad Santa”:


I see your movie several dozen times around this time of year.   Great flick.   Thanks for making it.   Here’s my problem with your flick, though.   I cannot suspend my disbelief when the bad Santa character has the romantic fling with the good-looking bartender.   There is NO chance that bartender would make the beast with two backs with a nasty, smelly homeless drunk.   Nope.


Dear Richard Nixon’s Ghost:


Remember during the Pentagon Papers scandal when you said; “we should quit making heroes out of people who steal other people’s secrets and then publish them in newspapers”?   Dude…you should have seen Wikileaks.   And Russia.   Remember how you hated Russia and How Reagan hated Russia and how everyone hated Russia?   I still hate Russia.   Guess who does NOT hate Russia.   Seriously.   Go ahead.   Take a wild guess……


Dear Steven Seagal:


I see Putin gave you a Russian passport.   There was a photo of it in the paper this morning.   That shirt you were wearing in the photo made you look fat.   Or, rather, your eating habits and lack of working out made you look fat in that photo.   One or the other.


Does Putin know you are not actually Casey Rybeck from “Under Siege”?   You are the actor who portrayed Casey Rybeck in “Under Siege”….you have never actually been in the Navy.   Did you know Putin murders reporters?   And rivals?     And took over part of the Ukraine two years ago.   You fat ass commie sympathizing has been.


Dear Flynn:


You are a Commie punk sympathizer.   Ronald Reagan’s ghost is probably going to come haunt you…..every night……for all eternity.     Because President Reagan hated the Commies and you know whom he hated more?   Pinko sympathizers like you who take money from RT.


Dear General Mattis:


Thank you for taking that job.   It is comforting to know that there is one person in that cabinet who is an “other directed” adult….not to mention the fact that you can kill several people at one time with your bare hands.


Dear Senator McCain:


If you want to punch the orange dude in the face a few times for mocking your military service, you have precisely 17 hours to do it relatively easily and with less of a penalty.   If you need any help, call me.


Dear Everyone Who Believed Homeboy’s Lies About Taking Care of Everyone:


Here is a photo from three weeks ago of the top twenty-four (24) positions in the cabinet…with the veep and president spot included.   Twenty-four positions.     Of those 24 positions, precisely 4 of them (16%) of them are not men.     Women make up 51% of the United States population and 16% of the orange dude’s cabinet picks.   That’s a pretty big delta.   Bet you feel kind of stupid if you held a sign at those rallies that read “trump loves women”.   Or, maybe you were confused about what he loves them for.   Clearly not for cabinet positions.


Back to those 24 positions.   2 of the 24 positions (8 percent) are non-white dudes.


That means that of those 24 positions, 20 of the nominees are……wait for it…….white men.   31% of the general population is made up of white men and 83% of the orange guy’s team are white men.   Of those white men he pulled in, 73% of them are millionaires and billionaires.   Less than 1% of the United States population is millionaires or billionaires.   Which means that this proposed cabinet is the least representative cabinet since the late 1700’s.   This cabinet actually looks JUST like the ruling class in the 1700’s when only land owning men could take part in government.   Welcome to 1793, everyone.


And it means that all these morons who said they believed they were going to get something different and that this guy truly cared and that he was all about them got snowed.   Which is not that shocking.


Dear CNN:


You know who we did not need to see on CNN all weekend after Castro died?   Elian Gonzales.   I don’t care what Elian Gonzales thinks about that Commie dying… one cares what Elian Gonzales thinks about that Commie dying.   Well, there’s a good chance that Steven Seagal cares about that Commie dying.   Because it looks like he is on some sort of treasure hunt where he collects dirty Commie passports.


You know how we know no one cares about Elian Gonzales?   Because up until the time when Castro died, no one saw him or asked him any questions.   You know why?   Because he demonstrated his lack of intelligence by choosing to reject South Beach.   If you’re not LeBron heading back to The Land of Cleve, rejecting South beach is insane.


Dear DNC:


No.   No you cannot have any more money.   You had plenty of money and you lost the election.     Quit sending me emails.   You cannot have any more money.   I will; however, continue to give money to Applegate because Issa is a smarmy punk. Despite being from The Land of Cleve.


Hey, hey, hey… about this.   How about in the NEXT Presidential campaign you make matching in-kind donations to food banks and homeless shelters.   For example, if you and the RNC spend a billion dollars on the Presidential campaigns, you then also donate a billion dollars to hungry and homeless people.


You were angry that President Obama won the primary in 2008 and then you lost your way.   Since then, you have lost over 6,000 state, local and national seats. You need to find your way, DNC.


Dear Pundits & People Saying “It Was the Economy”:


Bullshit.     Cleveland’s Corey Kluber and Andrew Miller were an amazing MLB pitching combo in 2016 and have the stats and the wins to back up that assertion. Atlanta’s Matt Wisler and William Perez were awful in 2016…..they sucked….and the numbers and wins prove that out.   Numbers & facts……facts & numbers.


The economy was dong crappy under Bush 41….we brought in Bill Clinton and grew the economy much like Ike grew it from 1953 to 1961.   Then Bush 43 took the reigns and six years later the economy was tanking in a spectacular fashion.   Then we brought in Barak Obama and unemployment went back down, jobs went back up, the stock market climbed to new record highs.   And President Obama’s average GDP growth was twice that of Bush 43.


Anyone saying “it was the economy” is either a moron or full of shit.   We just took out Corey Kluber and instead of tossing the ball to Andrew Miller, we threw it to Wisler and Perez.   You got snowed if you think this new group is going to do better on the economy.   That has not happened under a Republican in over thirty years and it sure as hell will not happen under someone who has bankrupted six companies.     Bankruptcy means failure.   Bunch of racist, misogynist morons is what it was.   Period.


Dear Disenfranchised White Voters:


See above.


Dear Anyone Who thinks Gerald Kushner Ought to be Involved:


His daddy Charles Kushner, a multimillionaire real estate executive, philanthropist and one of the top Democratic donors in the country, was sentenced in 2005 to two years in federal prison after pleading guilty to 18 counts of tax evasion, witness tampering and making illegal campaign donations.   Apples…..trees…….


In June of last year, then Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump received his first—and one of his only—endorsements from a publication. It came courtesy of The Daily Stormer, a neo-Nazi and white supremacist website. The Daily Stormer’s stated goal, according to founder Andrew Anglin, is “to ethnically cleanse White nations of non-Whites and establish an authoritarian government. Many people also believe that the Jews should be exterminated.” In the wake of Trump’s shock victory, Anglin suggested to readers that they should troll pro-Clinton liberals into committing suicide.

As if that weren’t enough, Trump also received endorsements from the American Nazi Party, whose chairman believed a dt victory would present “a real opportunity” for the white nationalist movement, as well as “The Crusader”, otherwise known as the official newspaper of the KKK. And over the course of the campaign, both dt and his eldest child of the corn…..donnie Jr……shared anti-Semitic memes that originated on neo-Nazi message boards, while matching bad haircut children of the corn (and rejects from a drug fueled orgy scene in the vampire movie “Blade”) sons donnie jr. and eric did actualy interviews with five white nationalist-affiliated outlets.

The Trump camp’s seeming embrace of the white nationalist movement, and their utter refusal to condemn any and all anti-Semitism spread in Trump’s name, is particularly puzzling when you consider the fact that Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner, who some dt advisers have called his “real campaign manager,” is an Orthodox Jew. It’s even more baffling when you take into account how dt’s daughter, Ivanka, converted to Orthodox Judaism to marry him.   How challenging would it be to craft a press release that disavows all support from white nationalist and anti-semitic groups and condemning their action?     I could jot one of those up in eleven minutes.   Twelve, if I got wordy.   I always get wordy.




Dear Facts:

I miss you.   I miss you dearly.

However, in a country where the majority believes angels are real things and then believes that because they BELIEVE angels are real it proves that angels are real…….facts get lost pretty rapidly,   Just because YOU believe something does not make it a fact.

I’ll keep reading books.   And fact checking.   I will never lose my love of you, facts.   Ever.   I ordered these last week and will read them this week and get more next week.   I heart you, facts.


Here’s a fun fact.   In the last 10 years, both President Obama and Hillary Clinton received significantly more votes than the orange, misogynist guy:

President Obama, 2008:   69,498,516 votes.   365 electoral votes

President Obama, 2012:   65,915,796 votes.   332 electoral votes

Hillary Clinton, 2016:         65,844,610 votes     236 electoral

Orange Guy, 2016             62,979,636 votes     304 electoral votes

However, that’s not the best fact.   The best fact is when you proportionately compare the orange misogynist guy’s popular vote total and electoral college totals to all the winners previously, you see that he is one of the least winningest of the winners.   Which is pretty fun.


Dear Starbucks Employees:

I saw that whole “people having you write dt’s name on their cups” thing because of Howard Schultz.     Which is pretty amusing because that means they’re giving Howard Schultz between $3.80 and $6.40 every time they protest against him.   That’s a pretty good deal for Howard Schultz and Starbucks investors.

Here’s a suggestion…and one that’s not going to hurt you because those morons aren’t coming back anyway.   Instead of writing dt’s name on the cup, write the last name of a famous feminist, a famous civil rights person, a famous LGBT rights person, or a famous Muslim author.   Here are some names to get you rolling………Naomi Wolf, Abu’l Hasan Mihyar al-Daylami, Oscar Wilde, Tennessee Williams, Azar Nafisi, Truman Capote, Alice Walker, James Baldwin……..there you go,. Knock yourself out.

Or, you could put the tally of the tally of the number of bankruptcies each has and that would still include the dt name.   You could scrawl “Howard Schultz:   ZERO bankruptcies……dt:   SIX bankruptcies.” on their cup.   That would be pretty fun, too.

Dear Republicans:


You know that infrastructure plan that was discussed during the election and in depth from November 9 to today?   Do you think your President knows that was Democrat plan that was shot down seven (7) times by your Republican controlled Congress?   You know that paid maternity leave and equal pay for women plan dt discussed during the election and the same plan that his team says they want to get done in the first six months?   Do you think he knows that is a Democratic plan that the Republican controlled Congress shot down five (5) times?


You know all those global trade deals that he wants to swap out or switch out?   You know that’s been the Democratic party’s platform for a while, right?   Your heads must be exploding.   Or……you are like me when a large pizza with bacon and onions shows up.   Super, super happy that a large pizza with bacon and onions just showed up, but also super, super unhappy at what that’s going to mean for the next month in terms of extra cardio and 1600 calorie days to make up for eating the pizza with bacon and onions.   That’s tough.   I don’t feel for you, though.


Dear Christians:


You know that whole “put America first” thing?   You know what book that is contraindicated in?     The Bible.


And you know that whole “taker versus maker” thing?   I voted yes on proposition 55 in California that is going to keep my tax rate at 13.3% for 2017.   You know why?   Because that money is going to the kids…….it keeps schools going.   And it keeps the budget balanced after that slap dick with no previous experience…..Arnold S…tried to burn the state to the ground.   You know what Christians do?   They think of everyone else and THEN they think of themselves.   They also call people like Arnold and the dt slap-dicks.   Yep.


Dear LGBT Friends:


Because some of you pointed me at Pence 20 years ago, I have been following the dude.   He hates you.   You know who else hates you?   Giuliani.   You know who else hates you?   Gingrich.     You know who loves you? I love you.


Recently, Matt Hennie…..owner and editor of Project Q wrote: “Republican lawmakers in Georgia are itching for another fight over anti-gay ‘religious freedom’ legislation and are now exploring breaking their bigotry into bite-size pieces and passing several bills,.   After all, Republicans have an insatiable appetite for anti-gay bills.”


You have my word that if anyone fucks with you over the next 4 years, all you have to do is call me, leave a voice mail with their name and address and I’ll stop by that persons house with a sock full of quarters and I will beat the living shit out of that person.   Pinky promise.     The overwhelming majority of we straight peeps love you and we have your back.   I can’t say that everyone else will resort to barbarism and violence against those who screw with you…….but I will.   Hell, yes.   I like to beat the crap out of closed-minded bigots.


Dear People with an Accent:


See the last paragraph.   Substitute the word “racists” for bigots.   We Irish especially have your back.   We got here between 1845 and the early 1900’s and faced the same sort of crap….”the Irish are happy, lazy, stupid, with a gift for music and dance.”     And they were criminals.   And drunks. I have multiple pairs of socks and two whole jars full of quarters.     Whenever I get home from a trip….be it to the super market or a plane ride, I throw all my change into those jars.   Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of quarters.



Dear Anyone on Medicare:


Sorry that Medicare is about to get gutted.   Those of you who voted for the GOP candidate and are on Medicare… didn’t really do your homework, did you?   See, Paul Ryan has wanted to gut Medicare for three years and has put it in the same basket for three years as the ACA.   It is a completely different animal, yet he is tossing them in the same pen.   He HAS put them in the same pen for three years.   More than three years, actually.   He started talking about replacing Medicare twelve years ago.


And now…..well now he has what he needs to gut Medicare.   He has the legislative and the executive branches from 2017 through 2019.   You didn’t think about that one when you voted, did you?   Next time… your homework.       If you don’t die first.   From not having your Medicare coverage.


Dear Democrats Who Did Not Go Out to Vote:


Did you get all pissy when he announced that alt-right batshit crazy Bannon was going to be representing the nation in the White House to determine strategery?     Did you say “hey…..that’s the guy who is documented in the court papers during his divorce as saying that he hates Jews and did not want his children attending a school with whiney Jew kids!”     That guy.   The guy who is the voice of white power.   Did that piss you off?


Yeah….well… you can see, that was YOUR fault.     The dt received less votes than McCain and less votes than Romney, but you didn’t go out to vote.   Thanks.   Jackasses.   (see the chart above again……..)


Dear Democrats and Indies Who Only Pay Attention Every Fourth Year:


As an FYI, this has been going on since December, 2008, when we elected the fist African American President.     It has been an eight year….successful…..offense that began with “meh….you never know what that black dude is going to do so we need to TAKE OUR COUNTRY BACK from those non-white people who are trying to steal it from us.   Like we stole it from the Native Americans from 1680 through yesterday.”

Well….not the last line.   But the first one for sure.   And it worked.   They went from 22 Governor positions to 33 and took control of state legislatures in 16 states and you know what those legislators did?   They changed the voting rules!   Yep.   That whole “take our country back from the black dude” started eight years ago


Dear Giuliani:


Hey there, ass-hat.     How you doing?   You know what I remember that no one else does?   I remember that back in 2000, you cheated on your second wife (you had also cheated on the first one) and had the police drive your mistress around.   And you used NYC money to pay for part of your mistress’s apartment and all of her security.   That’s how Dinkens beat you.


Any d-bag who would cheat on two wives will cheat on anyone else in the galaxy.   Everything that comes out of your mouth is a cry for help.     Step in front of a cab, please.


How’s that job with the new administration going?   Whoops.


Dear Southern Poverty Law Center:


Thank you for tracking the uptick in racist activities over the last few months.   Damn shame isn’t it, when people feel like a candidate’s actions and what they articulate justifies the racist things they have kept in the dark for years?


Keep doing what you are doing.   We have your back.


Dear Racists & Bigots:


Technically, you get to say whatever you like in the United States.   I have a new thing on my “to do” list for 2017…..I’m going to keep a list.   And if you do something racist or bigoted, I am adding your name to that list.   Then, one night around 9 p.m., I’ll ring your doorbell and ask “are you so-and-so” and you’ll say “yes” and then I will smack you in the face with a sock full of quarters and then break one of your kneecaps with a tire iron.


It will sort of be like that robot in “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe” that visited homes and insulted people.   Except I will break your nose and your knee….leaving a note behind that says “done because this ass-hat was a racist.”   Yep.   Keep that in mind.


You’ve clearly got “your guy” in office now.   I had some fun with friends the past six months by asking the following questions, in the following order. “How many times was Mitt Romney called a racist or confronted with his racist comments?”   “How many times was John McCain called a racist or confronted with his racist comments?”   “How many times was Bush 43 called a racist or confronted with his racist comments?”     “How many times was Bob Dole called a racist or confronted with his racist comments?”   “How many times was George H.W. Bush called a racist or confronted with his racist comments?”    Then, I allow that to sink in for a bit.


PS: If you have begun at least a single sentence with the following six words one or more time in the past 10 years…..“now, I’m not a racist, but….”, guess what?   Get it?   You know who has never had to preface a statement with “now, I’m not a racist, but…..”?   Anti- racists.


Dear Pamela Ramsey Taylor & Beverly Whaling:


Enjoy your job hunt, you ignorant pieces of white trash.   I don’t hit women, so you are safe from the previous section.   However, you may want to tell Mr. Ramsey and Mr. Whaling that if I am ever close to Clay County, I might just stop by and visit them.   I have no problem smashing them in the face with a sock filled with quarters.   Because they are dudes.     Dudes with awful choice in wives.   And not just because you are extremely obese with a bad haircut, Pamela Ramsey Taylor…..because you are an ignorant racist AND a lover of fast food.


Dear Edited Newspapers:


Thank you for fact checking….especially “Washington Post”.    Those of us who appreciate fact based news stories appreciate your rules….the rules that say you need multiple proof sources and those proof sources cannot be an Albanian web site that made something up out of whole cloth.


Keep it up.   You are the fourth estate and important for a reason.   Honorable men have no fear of edited, fact finding press corps.   Dishonorable men live in fear of you on a daily basis because you are the general public’s path to knowledge.     Richard Nixon hated the press and then he REALLY hated the press when Woodward and Bernstein ferreted out the Watergate thingie.   The whole Watergate scandal had died down and Nixon (et al) had done a fine job of getting everyone else to pay attention to a different shiny thing in the other hand when the Washington Post blew it wide open.   Absent the Washington Post, no one would have known how dirty Nixon was.   The orange guy will be the same way…….keep turning over those rocks.


Keep it up, edited press.   Keep it up.


Dear TV Media:


Part of whatever stupidness happens over these four years is on you.   In fact, batshit crazy fake general Flynn having a job in the White House as of today is on you.   You treated dt as a circus show to drive ratings and then you KEPT doing it.   Not one time did you actually hold him or his team accountable for the things he said.   Had Bush 43, Mr. McCain or Mitt Romney said any of the horrible or batshit crazy things the dt said, you would have held them accountable.


CNN.   You are dead to me.     That 30 minutes you gave him…uninterrupted….after the first GOP debate was disgusting.   You know who had better ideas on that stage?   Rand Paul, Marco Rubio and John Kasich.     Did any of them get 30 minutes with you?   Nope.   That was when he made the M.K. blood comments.   Did you shut him down the minute he said that, like a responsible news organization would?   Nope.   You did not call him on the blood comments and kept on going with the circus show for the next 21 minutes.   You are TMZ now, CNN.   You are dead to me.


Jon Stewart said this the other day: “Stories that were sent from a Macedonian teenager to grandmothers’ email accounts didn’t sway this election. News organizations that lost their credibility and authority because they were not careful enough about introducing toxic and poisoned information and laundering it into a system devalued the authority of real supposed news sources, to the point where people are frustrated enough to elect a man who stands for what he stands for.”


There were plenty of non-Fox news shows that propagated incorrect information and fact-less stories.   Moreover, someone must have made it a law last summer that all talking heads must begin every sentence about HRC by saying “HRC, the person many people do not trust” when the more appropriate intro would have been “HRC, the most qualified person to ever run for President”….or….”HRC, the one candidate for President who has spent virtually every week since college graduation figuring out how to help people not named HRC.”


You’re all dead to me.   Except BBC, C-Span and local public


Dear Fake News Spreaders:


You are idiots.     Mouth breathing, simpleton, dullards.   If you spread the fake stories that the Clintons stole the Haiti money?   You. Are.   An. Idiot. You are stupid.   You know what happens when you don’t research the back-story and make sure that the story is real before sharing this crap? This happens. Someone even more dumb than you, with a gun, follows up on it.


Don’t be a mouth breathing, 67 IQ, simpleton who spreads fake news stories.   Multiple source verify……….




Dear Bernie Supporters:


I love the guy, too.   However, he could not have won.   That answer “everyone is going to pay a little bit more” would never have worked….ever…in a general election.   What would have worked is this: “everyone is going to have some extra money in their pocket at the end of the day….except those bastards who have been hoarding the money since the rebound began in 2010.   Those bastards who have been sitting on 2.3 trillion in cash instead of adding job?     THEY’LL be paying more.”   That is the more accurate answer and the one that would have won.


All of Bernie’s plans were very, very similar to our best President…..Ike.   I like Ike.   And Bernie has only been a Democrat for one and a half years.   As much as I love the guy, he’s not actually a Democrat.     You know who could have won?   Biden.   Biden could have won.   Yep.


Dear Joe Biden:


You complete me.   You’re 57 in your heart and soul. You can run. See you in four years.


Dear Senator Rubio:


Thanks for changing your mind and running and winning again.   Your presence in these confirmation hearings has made the past two weeks bearable.   Thank you, again and please be the first Republican ever to force a primary with a sitting President.     It will take roughly 200 days for everyone to say “this person is a moron……man, we screwed up by not choosing Mr. Rubio.”   That’s when your campaign coffers will begin to overfill.


Dear Bernie and Elizabeth Warren:


Keep it up.   Keep it up.     Please, for the love of God (the real one that most Christians pray to…..not the one the orange guy claims to speak with), keep it up.   President Obama had roughly 40M people screaming “take our country BACK” (with the implied “from that black guy”) from January, 2009 through yesterday.   It is A-OK to start yelling “take our country back” with an extra…..out loud….”from that orange guy” each and every day.   Because precedent was set from the minute the tea baggers started screaming “one term… term……one term….” In January, 2009.     Apparently there is absolutely nothing wrong with being utterly obstructionist.


Dear “Repeal and Replace the ACA” People:


Did you read the textbook in civics class?   There was a pretty important part in there that you may have missed.   In order for the Senate to repeal and replace the ACA, you need 60 “aye” votes in the Senate.   Which means that those who want to take healthcare coverage away from tens of millions of Americans have to convince at least eight (8) Democrats that they, too, want to take healthcare away from tens of millions of Americans.




If you are actually interested in a subject and wholeheartedly behind it, you may want to research it.   For example, let’s say you want to learn banjo.   You may want to read up on Earl Scruggs and the history of bluegrass…….then you may want to draw out all the different rolls and chords and such.   Do the work.   Same thing applies to learning legislation.   Get to know how it operates if you are screaming “repeal and replace’ for a year.   You embarrass yourself when you don’t know how the system works.


Dear Evangelical Christians:


You’re kidding, right?   That guy?   THAT guy?   Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.   He hasn’t seen the inside of the church in years.   He’s about as far from Christ-like as you can get.   Let me know how that turns out for you.   At the very least, you could have said “you know what…….even though she goes to church every day as Methodist and actually quotes scripture…..but we disagree with the 67% of the United States who believe abortion should be legal and safe so we are going to pretend that the orange guy is a Christian.”   I could understand that sentence.   Even with the run ons.


You know what HRC has said for decades……decades….about her faith?   That she learned the teachings of Jesus and applies it to her helping the poor and down trodden…..”Because it sure does seem to favor the poor and the merciful and those who in worldly terms don’t have a lot but who have the spirit that God recognizes as being at the core of love and salvation,”


The guy you chose worshipped at Gordon Gekko’s church.


Dear Muslims:


Don’t worry about the internment camps.   There are roughly 64,000,000 of us who would burn down anything like that as it was built.   We got your back.     We love you.


Don’t worry about the whole “register as a Muslim” thing.   Aside from being wholly unconstitutional and against everyone’s civil rights, if that were to be done, roughly 70,000,000 of us would register as Muslims.   Just to fuck with The Man and show solidarity with you.   We got your back.   We love you.



Dear Millennials Out Protesting in the Street:


How do you feel about your “protest” vote now?   A third of you voted for a third party and you’re shocked and angry that this guy won?   Seriously?   Have you not attended the logic classes at college?   You’re wasting your mommy and daddy’s money.


You know what would have taken LESS of your time?      Voting for HRC in the first place.   Do they still teach you math?   I added up the Gary Johnson and Jill Stein votes in the swing states that matter and if you take the proportion that would have gone to HRC, she wins.   Because of your “protest” vote.   You know Stein is a climate change denier, right?     You know that Johnson’s running mate spent the last month of the campaign looking straight into cameras and saying “don’t vote for us….vote for Clinton.”   That should have been a cue for you.


However, stay out there in the streets.   Keep it up.   Get involved in local government.     Stay active in the non-Presidential years.   Keep being the riot that is the rhyme of the unheard.     Read “The Federalist Papers”, get comfy with the entire Constitution, subscribe to both the “Wall Street Journal” and the “NY Times”.     Read the “National Review” every once in a while for a different perspective.   Vote in every election.   Remember that every election has consequences.


Dear Kid Rock:


Thank you for making punk rock……and mixing it with the hip-hop……and thank you for getting us higher than the treetops.   Thank you for making southern rock……and mixing it with the hip-hop.   You’ve got money like Fort Knox.   You have forever been the Kid Rock.  Forever.


Dear President Obama:


Thanks for saving the car industry and getting unemployment rates back down under 4.6%.   And for adding 9,265,000 jobs since you took office.     Bush 43 added 1,300,000 jobs in his 8 years.   Less than you.


And thank you for getting the deficit from $1.3 trillion in 2009 to $438 billion right now.   And thank you for getting the deficit as a proportion of GDP from 9.8% to 2.5% during your 8 years.   That’s about to be blown up, you know.   Every gain you made in reducing Bush 43’s deficit over 8 years will be ruined by the tax plan and the spending plan I read last weekend.     Just like Bush 43.   This appalls me as a fiscal conservative.


And thanks for not using tweets to converse.   You know why I am not on Twitter, Mr. President.   Because it is base and pedestrian.   Those who use it as a primary conversing tool are base and pedestrian.   Have you ever read Alexander Hamilton, John Jay and James Madison’s “Federalist Papers”?   They are a work of art. You know who would NOT be on Twitter?   John Jay, Alexander Hamilton, and James Madison.   Because they were not pedestrian.   They were brilliant.


You were an amazing President.   Thank you.


Dear Michigan and Ohio:


Were you aware that President Obama and the Democrats in Congress saved your asses in 2009 and 2010?   Despite Bush 43 being in charge during 2007 and 2008 in the largest financial collapse since 1929, many of the Republicans voted AGAINST saving the automobile industry, or at the very least bitched about it for a few years.   You know how you not only didn’t collapse, you are now thriving?   That’s because of the Democrats and President Obama.   Think how bad it would have been without the bail out.


Remind me not to lend you $20 when you need it.   You have a short memory.


PS:   Flint, Michigan.   Flint.   Republicans did that.   Let me know how the next four years works out for you.


Dear Military:


You just got the largest non full war time budget in the history of our country at $611 Billion……..with a “B”.   The highest military budget before this one was $643 Billion,….with two full wars going on at one time.     Ike is rolling over in his grave and wagging his finger and screaming……”I WARNED you about that………”


Ike…..we spend more now than the next seven countries combined.   Combined.



Dear Mayor Betsy Hodge of Minneapolis:


Congratulations on keeping your city a sanctuary city.   That’s not really a word, though, and let me tell you why.     It is absolutely not “illegal” to cross the border and remain here.   That is not a crime.   You cannot look up that crime….because it does not exist.     Under U.S. law, that action (crossing the border and remaining) is not a crime and those who do it are not criminals.


Have a look out here at California.   The largest spike in immigration to California took place under Bush 43 (shocking, eh) and maintained the same rate until the final two years of the Obama administration.   The crime rate (especially the violent crime rate) declined each of those years in Los Angeles and in the state.     We do a splendid job of getting along with new friends.   Yep.


Dear K.A. Conway


I just saw you on “Meet the Press”….Chuckie Todd asked you about this “thank you” tour where your team is doing a six-week, extended touchdown dance.   In the states that your team carried.   Chuck asked you if the orange guy meant what he said on November 9 when he said


California, that state you’ll be avoiding like the plague on this touchdown dance tour, has the largest and most successful economy in the United States.   It’s also the largest state in the nation.   You may want to pop on out here…..maybe we can teach you guys a few things.


Dear Governor Rick Scott of Florida:


Congratulations on keeping your state a bastion of racist white trash and racist rich trash.   I remember that Columbia HCA perpetrated the single largest case of Medicaid and Medicare fraud when you were the CEO there.   You scooted when you saw the walls were about to come down and now you are the governor of a white trash Mecca.   Shocker.


Dear Women:


You rock.   We all have your back in every way as the misogynists try to get you back barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.     Not that you need us……I just wanted you to know that about 70% of us have your back.


My plan for the next 240 years is a solid plan.   Since we white men dominated the legislative, executive and judicial branches for the first 240 years, we should make it so that women hold 90% of the elected positions for the NEXT 240 years and then 240 years from now, we split it up and women get 51% of the elected and appointed positions and men get 49%….so it is proportional.


If you see this sign in the marches over the weekend, that’s my sign.   Well, one of 27 signs I have made.   CVS ran out of white.   So, I got pink.   And Bulleit was on sale for $21 a bottle.   That’s a heck of a deal.


Dear California:


I’m a math, facts and statistics person.     California is the biggest state in the United States by a large amount and is the fifth largest economy in the world.     Beaten only by the entire United States, China, Germany, etc.   California’s GDP grew 4.2% last year….double the national average.   HRC won California 62% to 33%.   If you were going to extrapolate from a single state, you’d extrapolate from California.   You know how we did it out here?   We said “fuck you Republicans” after that moron Arnold destroyed the state.     It’s time to say “fuck you Republicans” across the nation.   Run the same offense they have been running for 20 years.


While I can appreciate the people who kindly said “we have to do what we can to support him”, that is certainly not how President Obama came into the White House.   Hell, no.     From the first day, there were Congress members saying “we are going to obstruct his agenda and make sure he is a one term President.”     From day one. And President Obama won by far more than the orange guy.      We obstruct and obstruct and obstruct and when the GOP complains we do the 1980’s drug commercial thing.

We look hurt and say “I learned it from YOU, dad……..”




Dear America:



I love you, but THIS is why we can’t have nice things.     Keep on rocking in the free world…..





If you would like to hear the post election, bourbon infused Two Non Blondes version of “Keep on Rocking in the Free World”, here you go……






Filed under Uncategorized

4 responses to “Dear America: This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things:

  1. Don Koster

    Simply put…the greatest summary of the giant pile of shit these United States have ever seen! Thanks for being you Dan. I look forward to your writings always. Love, Don

    On Jan 20, 2017 12:27 AM, “Mind of Mully Biz Haus Shoppe” wrote:

    surfer1965 posted: ” Best experienced with Neil Young’s “Keep on Rocking in the Free World”. Feel free to right click the link below to open the tune in a new browser window. That instruction is for my mom…..who would have clicked on the link and missed the actual writ”

  2. Dan B.

    Here we go. Thanks Dan.

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