Best Experienced With: Ludacris; Get Back
(please right click on the link below to open the suggested background music to this evening’s treatise involving the new Mind of Mully board game, market penetration strategy, and a single paragraph on the wisdom of negotiating in groups)
Welcome to the instruction manual for the Mind of Mully board game, Negotiation (trademark and patent pending). Enjoy
First, choose one of the seven board game pieces. Please choose the one that best suits your personality and mood at game time.
The leprechaun from Lucky Charms
A Dwight Schrute bobblehead
A medieval mace
The emblem ripped from the front of an Escalade
A Care Bear (Funshine Bear to be precise)
An AK 47
The dog game piece from Monopoly
The goal of the game is to reach the sanctuary of the Promised Land. Ireland.
There is one conch shell in the game box. The player with the conch shell has the most power. When you are holding the conch shell, everyone must call you “Ralph”. When you are holding the conch shell, you must address all players as “Piggy”. The person holding the conch shell may at any time move other players away from Ireland by standing, doing the “lawn sprinkler” dance and singing:
“Get back……..you don’t know me like that….I ain’t playing around……yeep, yeep, whoop, whoop…….make one false move and I’ll take you right down….get back, you don’t know me like that.”
Upon hearing these lyrics, the player pointed at by the Ralph game character moves their game piece back exactly two (2) squares.
To gain control of the conch during the game, simply yell “BATTLE”. Ralph and whichever Piggy player calls “BATTLE” line up for a three minute match of Indian leg wrestling. Winner owns the conch. Players may yell “BATTLE” as many times per game as they like.
Once per game, a player may yell “SUPER MEGA IRISH BATTLE”. Same rules as “BATTLE” except the player yelling “SUPER MEGA IRISH BATTLE” is allowed to don the holy Irish hand mitts (shown below). The “SUPER MEGA IRISH BATTLE” will last eleven minutes. No tap out. Winner owns the conch.
Players choosing to call “BATTLE” or “SUPER MEGA IRISH BATTLE” must stand and speak like the Mr. Chow character in the 2009 movie “The Hangover”. Right hand in reverse position on back of right hip. Left hand in the air with index finger extended. To gain two additional spaces in addition to the spaces earned when rolling the dice, player calling “BATTLE” may prepend the “BATTLE” call by saying “you mess with the wrong guy” in their best Mr. Chow voice.
There are thirty-two die in the game box. Each player receives four dice and rolls all four of her/his dice when it is their turn. Each dice looks like the die below. Thus, each player will always roll a twenty-four. This makes the strategy far more challenging because you must use maff. Calculus and such. Please show all your work.
Game board looks like this:
The winner is the first person to either reach the space marked “winner, winner, chicken dinner” on the game board. Players also have two other chances to win by landing on the two math problem squares and completing the math problems. Should a player choose to solve the math problems, they must show all their work.
Market Penetration Plan Summary
- Pursue domestic market years 1-3
- Sales growth that looks exactly like a hockey stick. Imagine that.
- We only need 2% market penetration because the market is HUGE.
- We grab market share from both current board game market participants as well as the toy market in general
- Our growth rate outpaces the market because we have a magical unicorn in the break room
United States toy sales: $21.6B
Growth rate: 2%
United States board game sales: $1.2B
Growth rate: 12%
Estimated Mind of Mully board game CAGR: 1,254%
Estimated market share penetration by year three: 2%
Estimated Mind of Mully board game revenue in year three: $432.1M
…………..which is, as most business plan market penetration plans are, completely ludicrous.
The Mind of Mully
I hit them right dead
In the jaw
Lord of The Flies Negotiating Lesson
At some point here in the last few years we discussed how negotiating in groups is as effective as fighting a land war in Southeast Asia, with similar success rates. Negotiating, like most business activities, is best done one on one. In person. Have you seen Lord of the Flies? If so, then you know why negotiating should be done one on one and in person. If not, please go rent the original and we can all discuss it as a group later on this summer. In the mean time, please bring me a root beer float made with soft serve ice cream. 80% soft serve ice cream with a splash of root beer.
Thanks for visiting and thanks, in advance, for the root beer float. Yeep yeep.
CAUTION: The Mind of Mully board game, Negotiation, is not designed for Darwinian Targetted Persons. If you truly do have a DTP pendant at the end of your chain, please accept this free copy of Chutes and Ladders.